Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
