i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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