Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
