If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My ass is underappreciated
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
