I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
