I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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