Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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