I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
