So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
