great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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