I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
