Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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