I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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