Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
