dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
