Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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