she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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