how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
