Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
