Only a mothe r could love this liver
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
