sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize