God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize