Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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