Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I had to cum in my sink.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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