Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
