i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
