I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
