Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
