fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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