I love black thongs
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
