Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
