I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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