I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
