When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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