david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
