Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The beer is more important than you right now.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
