dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
