my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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