The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
