I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
