That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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