Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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