Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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