i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
