mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
