Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize