that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
