My Higher Power is John Stamos
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
