that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
