You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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