you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
