Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
