i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
