He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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