Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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