mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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