My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize