conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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