sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
