We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
