there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
