just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
