Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
