Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
