Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
