who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
