Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
