I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
